Baseball (Part One of Many)

The Cubs should trade Greg Maddux to the New York Yankees as quickly as they possibly can. I mean, literally, they should dial the Yankees and accept nearly anything they Yankees are willing to put on a bus and send to Chicago. Bernie Williams's ancient ass? Sure. Jaret Wright's pathetic piece of shit arm? Fucking take it. Here's why:

Greg Maddux is a total waste in the postseason. He's 3-7 since 1997. Most of his wins came in the early 90s, before he looked like your fat uncle.

["But dude, the Braves just suck dick in the playoffs. They're the Buffalo Bills." Shut up, dipshit. John Smoltz is the shit in the playoffs because he's a power pitcher, and if he catches too much of the plate he can still get you out. 15-4, 2.66 ERA with 194 Ks in 206 IP. Bam.]

In the postseason, power pitching is better than finesse pitching. That's because all the teams are good--they made the playoffs. Because they're better they have better and more consistent hitting and pitch selection. Therefore, the pitches themselves have to be more difficult to hit. Also, umpires tend to call somewhat tighter strikezones in the postseason. But Maddux is known for his control rather than his stuff:

"Greg Maddux could put a baseball through a life saver if you asked him!" - Joe Morgan

But if the lifesaver is in the middle of the plate, and the baseball is travelling at 85 miles per hour, the ball will not reach the lifesaver, as it will have been put into play.

Think how badly the Yankees will crash and burn in the playoffs ANYWAY, let alone with Greg Maddux throwing batting practice to the White Sox.

The funny thing is that the Cubs won't even have to try to piss off the Yankees.

Cano for Maddux? That sounds very fair.